Lesson 2: I Meant What I Said, and I Said What I Meant . . .

This is the tale of an elephant so caring
Who is beguiled by a bird who is cunning and daring.

Now this strange bird had something on her mind,
So she took advantage of the elephant so kind.

Bird: "You've nothing to do, and I do need a rest.
Would you like to sit on the egg in my nest?
I'll hurry back, I'll never be missed."

Elephant: "Very well. Since you insist."

Out of kindness he helped the poor bird,
But found that she was not true to her word.
She had things left unsaid, and truths she kept hidden
So she could get that kind elephant to do her bidding.

Long ago I heard the proverbial statement, "men and women are different." In subsequent years I have come to not only agree with this statement, bu to attempt to define thee differences so that I may be more successful in relationships. Recently, I have discovered one particular difference that drives me . . . how to put it controversially . . . crazy!

If someone asks me a question, and I decide it is worth the time to answer, I will give truthful feedback. I am sure to say what I mean so that my honest viewpoint is understood. This way, the questioner has accurate information about me and my position. I find this to be an excellent way to convey my feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs and wants. Consequently, my feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs, and wants are dealt with in a satisfactory way and I can move onto other mental pursuits. It seems so logical to me to state the truth inside me so that it can come to fruition.

But over on the other side of the tracks stands a different zax. This lady zax does NOT believe she should say exactly what she means. Let's look at this from a gentleman's perspective. Everyone pretend for a moment that you are a considerate, loving man. You are out with your special someone and you notice she is a bit out of sorts and decide to ask, "Is everything OK, dear?" She is liable to answer, "Of course, why would you ask such a silly question," but what you fail to notice is the melancholy down-gaze of her eyes as she hesitantly answers you. Feeling as though you have shown a proper outpouring of love and consideration, you accept her answer and move on your way. All the while, she climbs deeper and deeper into her inner emotional self. Later that week, after many other similar type converstions, she will almost kindly explain to you that she was feeling "emotional" and you did nothing to help her.

Now, this is the part you simply cannot understand. "Nothing! I did nothing!" you proclaim. Now you know this is simply not true. With full sincerity, you asked her to communicate her thoughts to you and explain what she was feeling. She chose to lie. Now, how is this your fault? She gave up the opportunity to have a thoughtful guy listen to her and comfort her. She had every ability to choose to tell the truth, but it simply was not that important to her. Why is she allowed to make you out to be the Grinch when your heart had clearly grown over three sizes that day? Was she not the one declining a delicious breakfast of eggs and ham when all the while she was wishing for someone to offer a snack? I do not see the logic.

So, dear readers, help me unravel this tale so I may be the in-the-know sneetch with a bright, shiny star on my belly. Help me see things from alternate perspectives so that I may approach life with more patience and understanding. Please respond with enlightening rebuttals to help me unravel the complex infrastructure known as the female mind.

Lesson 1: The Confidence Cycle

Without further ado I bring you the first official installment in the long awaited Introspections series. The intention of this first lesson is to outline one particular life tool that has dramatically increased my personal emotional well-being and taught me how to deal with every relationship I encounter.

The Confidence Cycle (as I have cleverly titled it) is, simply put, a cycle fueled by confidence. In order to understand the inspiration for this concept, I must unfortunately delve into the annals of my past. Hang on, reader, and grab a box of tissues because this may be an emotional roller-coaster fraught with heartache, anger, and retribution. (Or it might be a pathetic coming of age story with a happy ending.)

It all started on that fateful day when I took my first step into the ever beloved world of Junior High. Luckily, I didn't have to suffer long not knowing my own personal identity. My classmates quickly labeled me as a know-it-all nerd who was clearly not cool enough to stand under the "cool kid tree" during lunch. With my well deserved title safely written all over my clothes and less-than-macho gait, I comfortably settled into my smarty pants classes and proceeded to earn grades worthy of my new personality. Immediately I began to act exactly like others expected. Also immediately, I began to feel totally stripped of self worth. (Sad, I know.) Inner turmoil welled up inside and I was constantly conflicted by my overly inflated need to be like anyone else but me. I envied everything about everyone else and developed an extra awesome habit of refusing to acknowledge my own skills or talents. I constantly replayed the same message in my head, "I'm not good enough in any way." The result of this mindset: no self-confidence. Now I was acting like a nerdy kid with no self-confidence. Awesome. Now EVERYONE will want to be my friend, right?!

Now, for the inspiring part that tugs tenderly on your heart strings. After long enough (let's not be specific, k?) I decided it was time to change. I didn't like the way I felt, and I needed to drastically alter my thought processes in order to change my self perception. This, of course, is incredibly difficult. With committed, intense work I have rewritten the messages playing in my head and replaced them with positive, REAL words that more accurately reflect the truth. Magically, this new way of thinking sprinkled confidence dust over every aspect of my life. Natural changes followed suit, and I have been almost shocked by the repercussions. Confidence emerged slimy, naked, and immature, ready to take it's new-found place in my life.

Here is where the cycle begins:
1. The moment I began to act with confidence, others noted confidence.
2. The moment they saw confidence, they treated me how I'd always wanted.
3. The moment they did so, I felt more confident.
4. The moment I felt more confident, I began to act with confidence.
5. Repeat steps 1-5 indefinitely. (You can sing them to a tune if you like.)

In conclusion, confidences begets confidence. The only way for me to feel the way I wanted to feel and to have others treat me the way I always wanted them to treat me was to believe I was what I wanted to be. Once I believed that, it became reality. I got what I wanted, and nobody got hurt.

Lest this post be nothing more than an embellished story with a family friendly message carefully stapled on the bottom, I would like to offer a few tactics I use to build self-confidence.

1. Surround yourself with supportive people. This means positive thinkers who relate to you in a way meaningful to you.
2. Shut up and do it. Stop making excuses. Make new tapes in your head. Quit saying, "I'm just not like that," or "I can't," or "But I'm not as talented." Start thinking differently, and it will happen.
3. Commit yourself. It can be a long process. Buckle down and prepare for a long haul.
4. Note what you like about others and emulate it (more on this later).
5. Don't take offense to things others say to you about you. (Definitely more on this later.)
6. Let it count. Don't negate your goodness, or compliments from others.
   
7. Be creative. Find what works for you and stick to it.
   

In the beginning . . .

In the beginning a blog was created, and the blog was good. It laid the foreground for a world where ideas could freely flow from one mind to the next without thought of fear, embarrassment or judgment. With this new world came a challenge to lay before man the chosen way and elucidate the path to the precipice of internal happiness. It is at this most crucial junction that man must dive, with full faith and pugnacity, into the living water below. Only then can the full measure of visceral delectation be manifest as outward contented bliss.

With this most noble work placed before me, I accept my charge to unveil the mysteries of a complex mind to those who seek an increased measure of understanding and illumination. Together we will delve further into reticent thought and bring to light the un-offered solutions to seemingly impossible questions that have plagued mankind since life began.

In the beginning a blog was made, and a promise followed close behind.

(Let's just hope this isn't the "In the end . . ." post as well!)