Wait For It...

It's coming. A new post. I can feel it in my bones.


Will it be witty? Funny? Depressing? How about some controversy. That sounds like fun. Maybe a life lesson? In any case, it will be monumental.


And worth the wait.

Geocaching

So, there is this thing that exists in the world and its called Geocaching. Basically, people have hidden treasures called geocaches all around the globe. They post the latitudinal/longitudinal coordinates to the treasure, and anyone can go find them. It is the greatest thing ever invented! (Nerdy much?)

I went for the first time last weekend, and have been anxiously awaiting this weekend to go again, this time with even more treasure hunting enthusiasts. Here are some of our adventures.

The cache is called 'hood wood. Basically, we were walking through a peaceful neighborhood, and then we nonchalantely disappeared into the large forest at the end of the street. Pretty freaking fun. (Notice the mysterious red reflection waiting to eat us up...)

We searched and searched for the find. There were 9 of us looking, but we were still having a hard time finding the prize. But then, Dave saved the day! Hidden under a rotting log was the cache. Inside we found mostly boy scout prizes. We didn't take any as the rules state you must replace them with something of equal value, and I didn't have anything that cool on my person!! Also, we were eaten alive by monster mosquitos, though Dave magically escaped bite free.

We continued our adventures, finding drop after drop. Some highlights:

And to round out the evening, we found a totally obvious, not even pretending to be hidden cache right out in the open. Our clue to the find was "eye fourty."


Now that you all are incredibly curious, check out geocaching.com. Once you have a username, lemme know and we can be friends. (PS: I'm AZeyespy). See you on the trail!

Opinion Hater

Have you ever felt like you can't tolerate the fact that other people get to have opinions? I have been feeling this way all week, and it's new-ish to me, so I'm not exactly sure what do about it.

First off, I'm not exactly sure why I feel this way. Does the feeling stem from pride that my opinion is more informed, more logical, or simply better that the counter opinion presented? Maybe it is more of a complete lack of desire to debate the issue at hand. Maybe I'm just worn out from having to defend my opinions the last little while? Tired and overworked? (Unlikely, if you saw my study habits recently.)

The solution to the problem, regardless of the origin, is the simple. Muster increased amounts of patience and say my words in my head before I say them out loud. While I master this skill, be patient with me!

Patients and Patience

This month I have been learning about patients/patience. I think I'll start with the crazy and move to the ... even crazier. So, the giant thunderstorm first!

Last Friday I got home early from school and was casually chatting with my mom on the balcony, enjoying the extra humid and temped air. (I use the word "enjoying" very loosely here.) The sky was a bit menacing, but I didn't think much about it. As my mom and I shot the breeze, I noticed a weird pocket of clouds start billowing directly toward me. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen! They seemed like they had their own devious personality, and were moving with such purpose and commitment! I commented to my mom how weird those clouds looked, and she started talking about tornadoes in Denver. Let's pick up the conversation there:

MOM: We had a five tornadoes on Sunday here in Denver.
BEN: Weird. I didn't know they had tornadoes there.
MOM: They started with a light trickle of rain, then the hail came.
BEN: It just started sprinkling here. Oh, and now it's hailing.
MOM: That's odd. Sounds like a tornado.
BEN: And the sky is a strange yellow color just like the last tornado we had.
MOM: Well, if it gets windy, you better go inside.
BEN: Mom, I just saw a tree snap in half and fall on a car in the parking lot. And I'm soaking wet from a huge wall of water that just blew into me. I think I better go inside now.

Needless to say, we got slammed with a crazy thunderstorm/unconfirmed tornado. By the time I finally decided to go inside, the power was already out, and the tornado sirens finally went off. I pulled out my trusty AM/FM radio from my 72 hr survival kit I got from Stacy after the last tornado, and proceeded to track the storm that way. Turns out the worst damage was right at my house.

At this point, you are probably wondering were the patience part is. Well, we didn't get power back for almost 3 days. Boo. It was miserable. 95 degree weather with 90% humidity, on the top floor of the apartment, and no way to make the air move. Dave and I bought what candles Kroger had left, and snagged the last flashlight from Wal-mart and toughed it out through the weekend. I slept on a thin sheet on the floor by the window, hoping to bask in the occasional relief of an evening breeze. No luck. Just got eaten by mosquitoes. Big ones that left quarter-sized welts all over my body. Dave and I most definitely celebrated when our power came back on. Oh, and I'm not very good at shaving by candlelight.

Now for the even crazier discussion about patients.

I'm starting to get the hang of things in the clinic. I'm no longer petrified to walk into Primary Care. And I don't think I've wet myself in front of my patients in a week or two. See, the patients we attract to The Eye Center are very . . . colorful. They have lived very adventurous, interesting lives to say the least. Most of them don't really mind when you tell them that they will go blind if they don't control their blood sugar. And they sure don't care when you say that since they didn't use their glaucoma drops they have lost half of their visual field. It is just not that important to them for some reason. I'm not exactly sure why, at this point. Since our patients are very, very unhealthy in every way, they bring in an incredible grab-bag of ocular diseases. I've spent the last two years of my life looking at healthy eyes; it can be pretty scare to stare into an eye and have it look exactly the opposite of what it should look like! At first, I was so worried about the fact that I saw something wrong that I couldn't even focus on what to do about it. I'm transitioning now into being able to pull out all the information I've learned and be able to make intelligent decisions about how to treat what I find. It's becoming very cool!

Before I let you go, I have to tell you one funny story from this last week. This story is an example of what NOT to say to a patient. I was working in the Optical department of the clinic. I received a job order card stating that a patient in the waiting room needed a screw put into her glasses. I grabbed the order, and went to the lobby to escort her back to the Optical. Let's pick up that conversation there:

ME: Pat? (Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)
PAT: That's me
ME: Alright. Follow me please.
PAT: Ok
(Along the way to the Optical)
ME: So, you need a screw?
PAT: Yes
ME: Let's do it!
PAT: I'll need to call my husband first!
ME: (baffled expression) ??
ME: (mortified expression) !!
ME: (extreme laughter) Maybe we shouldn't let him know what's going on!
PAT: Maybe he wants in!
Both: Extreme laughter
(After I helped her with her glasses)
ME: Alright, thanks for coming.
PAT: See you tomorrow night ;)

Don't do that. It's not OK.

Lesson 3: Believe the Better

A few years back I learned a principle that has dramatically changed my outlook on life. It came at a time when I was seeking a better understanding of myself and they way I interacted with those around me. During this particular phase of life, I was mostly happy but was plagued by consistent thoughts of inadequacy and self doubt. Mostly, I felt like those who were nice to me only were because they felt that is what I wanted from them. In reality, what I really wanted was for those people, of their own will, to want to be my friend. Ergo, I was never satisfied with my friendships.

Then, on a particularly bright, sunshiny day, knowledge descended from heaven like dew on a cool morning and distilled upon the annals of my mind opening my eyes to a new way of looking at things. (I almost made myself throw up a little just then. Sorry about that. I had to get that small bit of creativity out before it made me sick.) People were acting they exact way I wanted them to, but I was perceiving that it was because they felt obligated. The fact of the matter is, they were acting in the way I was wishing for, so I should have been satisfied. So I connected the dots, and found a whole new way of interpreting relationships:

If a person acts in a certain way, and I'm not sure if it is genuine or forced, and they lead me to believe it is genuine, then I should believe it is genuine! Even if they are lying and it is fake, what does it matter? They are acting in a way that will make me happy if I simply choose to accept it.

To make this concept clearer, allow me to illustrate with a concrete-ish example. Lets say Person A really wants Person B to enjoy spending time with him. Person A asks, "Do you enjoy our time together?" Person B responds, in full honesty, "Of course I do. I wouldn't come over if I didn't." Now Person A can either choose to believe the answer is genuine, or believe it is a lie. One of those choices will result in pleasant inner feelings, while the other leads to emotional distress. Now lets say that Person B responds with the same answer, but really despises spending time with Person A. That leaves Person A with the same two choices: believe the answer was genuine, or believe the answer was a lie. Either way yields the same two results of happiness or distress. Therefore, why not believe the answer was genuine in either case since that results in happiness. Person B is the one left with the problem of sorting out his own lack of honesty and the consequences derived therefrom.

This same principle can be applied repeatedly in relationships. How many times have you asked yourself, "Did he act that way because he hates me?" or "Has he not called because he doesn't want to talk to me?" In these examples, you can believe he hates you and doesn't want to talk to you, or you can believe he is focused at work and will call you when he can break away. One choice results in negative feelings, while the other results in positive. So I say, believe the better. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Assume he's a good person instead of a jerk. Nine times out of ten, you will be right. Ten times out of ten, you will be happier.

Welcome Back, Benjamin

Well, folks, I'm alive! And I tell you what, it's sort of a miracle.

I have officially survived the second professional year of Optometry school, and I couldn't be more ready...I mean happy. Second year is notorious for sucking every ounce of desire, drive, and enjoyment out of the art and science of Optometry.

It all begins with more classes than is humanly possible to tolerate coupled with dry professors who are convinced you have nothing to do but study their subject. Pile on top of this five or so labs and things are starting to get stressful. Allow me to explain these labs a little bit too: they consist of me practicing every invasive skill on my fellow classmates. Oh yeah, and they do it right back to me. Consequently, I had to endure never ending weeks of gonioscopy lenses suctioned to my eyes, bright lights shined to the farthest nether-corners of my soul, metal probes pushed behind my eyeball, little blue plastic tips being gently set on my "tear film," and let's not negate the sheer pleasure of having only one eye dilated multiple times a week. And not to mention the masochistic pleasure of giving/getting five different injections: Intravenous, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Intralesional (in the skin of the eyelid), and Subconjunctival (under the clear membrane covering the white of the eye). The final cherry on the top of the second year birthday cake is a consistant stream of test and practicals designed to break the strong and crack the weak.

In the end, however, I survived. I emerged triumphant and prepared to begin to see patients of my own starting next week! And I must say, I did it with finesse and style.

Lesson 2: I Meant What I Said, and I Said What I Meant . . .

This is the tale of an elephant so caring
Who is beguiled by a bird who is cunning and daring.

Now this strange bird had something on her mind,
So she took advantage of the elephant so kind.

Bird: "You've nothing to do, and I do need a rest.
Would you like to sit on the egg in my nest?
I'll hurry back, I'll never be missed."

Elephant: "Very well. Since you insist."

Out of kindness he helped the poor bird,
But found that she was not true to her word.
She had things left unsaid, and truths she kept hidden
So she could get that kind elephant to do her bidding.

Long ago I heard the proverbial statement, "men and women are different." In subsequent years I have come to not only agree with this statement, bu to attempt to define thee differences so that I may be more successful in relationships. Recently, I have discovered one particular difference that drives me . . . how to put it controversially . . . crazy!

If someone asks me a question, and I decide it is worth the time to answer, I will give truthful feedback. I am sure to say what I mean so that my honest viewpoint is understood. This way, the questioner has accurate information about me and my position. I find this to be an excellent way to convey my feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs and wants. Consequently, my feelings, thoughts, ideas, needs, and wants are dealt with in a satisfactory way and I can move onto other mental pursuits. It seems so logical to me to state the truth inside me so that it can come to fruition.

But over on the other side of the tracks stands a different zax. This lady zax does NOT believe she should say exactly what she means. Let's look at this from a gentleman's perspective. Everyone pretend for a moment that you are a considerate, loving man. You are out with your special someone and you notice she is a bit out of sorts and decide to ask, "Is everything OK, dear?" She is liable to answer, "Of course, why would you ask such a silly question," but what you fail to notice is the melancholy down-gaze of her eyes as she hesitantly answers you. Feeling as though you have shown a proper outpouring of love and consideration, you accept her answer and move on your way. All the while, she climbs deeper and deeper into her inner emotional self. Later that week, after many other similar type converstions, she will almost kindly explain to you that she was feeling "emotional" and you did nothing to help her.

Now, this is the part you simply cannot understand. "Nothing! I did nothing!" you proclaim. Now you know this is simply not true. With full sincerity, you asked her to communicate her thoughts to you and explain what she was feeling. She chose to lie. Now, how is this your fault? She gave up the opportunity to have a thoughtful guy listen to her and comfort her. She had every ability to choose to tell the truth, but it simply was not that important to her. Why is she allowed to make you out to be the Grinch when your heart had clearly grown over three sizes that day? Was she not the one declining a delicious breakfast of eggs and ham when all the while she was wishing for someone to offer a snack? I do not see the logic.

So, dear readers, help me unravel this tale so I may be the in-the-know sneetch with a bright, shiny star on my belly. Help me see things from alternate perspectives so that I may approach life with more patience and understanding. Please respond with enlightening rebuttals to help me unravel the complex infrastructure known as the female mind.

Lesson 1: The Confidence Cycle

Without further ado I bring you the first official installment in the long awaited Introspections series. The intention of this first lesson is to outline one particular life tool that has dramatically increased my personal emotional well-being and taught me how to deal with every relationship I encounter.

The Confidence Cycle (as I have cleverly titled it) is, simply put, a cycle fueled by confidence. In order to understand the inspiration for this concept, I must unfortunately delve into the annals of my past. Hang on, reader, and grab a box of tissues because this may be an emotional roller-coaster fraught with heartache, anger, and retribution. (Or it might be a pathetic coming of age story with a happy ending.)

It all started on that fateful day when I took my first step into the ever beloved world of Junior High. Luckily, I didn't have to suffer long not knowing my own personal identity. My classmates quickly labeled me as a know-it-all nerd who was clearly not cool enough to stand under the "cool kid tree" during lunch. With my well deserved title safely written all over my clothes and less-than-macho gait, I comfortably settled into my smarty pants classes and proceeded to earn grades worthy of my new personality. Immediately I began to act exactly like others expected. Also immediately, I began to feel totally stripped of self worth. (Sad, I know.) Inner turmoil welled up inside and I was constantly conflicted by my overly inflated need to be like anyone else but me. I envied everything about everyone else and developed an extra awesome habit of refusing to acknowledge my own skills or talents. I constantly replayed the same message in my head, "I'm not good enough in any way." The result of this mindset: no self-confidence. Now I was acting like a nerdy kid with no self-confidence. Awesome. Now EVERYONE will want to be my friend, right?!

Now, for the inspiring part that tugs tenderly on your heart strings. After long enough (let's not be specific, k?) I decided it was time to change. I didn't like the way I felt, and I needed to drastically alter my thought processes in order to change my self perception. This, of course, is incredibly difficult. With committed, intense work I have rewritten the messages playing in my head and replaced them with positive, REAL words that more accurately reflect the truth. Magically, this new way of thinking sprinkled confidence dust over every aspect of my life. Natural changes followed suit, and I have been almost shocked by the repercussions. Confidence emerged slimy, naked, and immature, ready to take it's new-found place in my life.

Here is where the cycle begins:
1. The moment I began to act with confidence, others noted confidence.
2. The moment they saw confidence, they treated me how I'd always wanted.
3. The moment they did so, I felt more confident.
4. The moment I felt more confident, I began to act with confidence.
5. Repeat steps 1-5 indefinitely. (You can sing them to a tune if you like.)

In conclusion, confidences begets confidence. The only way for me to feel the way I wanted to feel and to have others treat me the way I always wanted them to treat me was to believe I was what I wanted to be. Once I believed that, it became reality. I got what I wanted, and nobody got hurt.

Lest this post be nothing more than an embellished story with a family friendly message carefully stapled on the bottom, I would like to offer a few tactics I use to build self-confidence.

1. Surround yourself with supportive people. This means positive thinkers who relate to you in a way meaningful to you.
2. Shut up and do it. Stop making excuses. Make new tapes in your head. Quit saying, "I'm just not like that," or "I can't," or "But I'm not as talented." Start thinking differently, and it will happen.
3. Commit yourself. It can be a long process. Buckle down and prepare for a long haul.
4. Note what you like about others and emulate it (more on this later).
5. Don't take offense to things others say to you about you. (Definitely more on this later.)
6. Let it count. Don't negate your goodness, or compliments from others.
   
7. Be creative. Find what works for you and stick to it.
   

In the beginning . . .

In the beginning a blog was created, and the blog was good. It laid the foreground for a world where ideas could freely flow from one mind to the next without thought of fear, embarrassment or judgment. With this new world came a challenge to lay before man the chosen way and elucidate the path to the precipice of internal happiness. It is at this most crucial junction that man must dive, with full faith and pugnacity, into the living water below. Only then can the full measure of visceral delectation be manifest as outward contented bliss.

With this most noble work placed before me, I accept my charge to unveil the mysteries of a complex mind to those who seek an increased measure of understanding and illumination. Together we will delve further into reticent thought and bring to light the un-offered solutions to seemingly impossible questions that have plagued mankind since life began.

In the beginning a blog was made, and a promise followed close behind.

(Let's just hope this isn't the "In the end . . ." post as well!)