Lesson 1: The Confidence Cycle

Without further ado I bring you the first official installment in the long awaited Introspections series. The intention of this first lesson is to outline one particular life tool that has dramatically increased my personal emotional well-being and taught me how to deal with every relationship I encounter.

The Confidence Cycle (as I have cleverly titled it) is, simply put, a cycle fueled by confidence. In order to understand the inspiration for this concept, I must unfortunately delve into the annals of my past. Hang on, reader, and grab a box of tissues because this may be an emotional roller-coaster fraught with heartache, anger, and retribution. (Or it might be a pathetic coming of age story with a happy ending.)

It all started on that fateful day when I took my first step into the ever beloved world of Junior High. Luckily, I didn't have to suffer long not knowing my own personal identity. My classmates quickly labeled me as a know-it-all nerd who was clearly not cool enough to stand under the "cool kid tree" during lunch. With my well deserved title safely written all over my clothes and less-than-macho gait, I comfortably settled into my smarty pants classes and proceeded to earn grades worthy of my new personality. Immediately I began to act exactly like others expected. Also immediately, I began to feel totally stripped of self worth. (Sad, I know.) Inner turmoil welled up inside and I was constantly conflicted by my overly inflated need to be like anyone else but me. I envied everything about everyone else and developed an extra awesome habit of refusing to acknowledge my own skills or talents. I constantly replayed the same message in my head, "I'm not good enough in any way." The result of this mindset: no self-confidence. Now I was acting like a nerdy kid with no self-confidence. Awesome. Now EVERYONE will want to be my friend, right?!

Now, for the inspiring part that tugs tenderly on your heart strings. After long enough (let's not be specific, k?) I decided it was time to change. I didn't like the way I felt, and I needed to drastically alter my thought processes in order to change my self perception. This, of course, is incredibly difficult. With committed, intense work I have rewritten the messages playing in my head and replaced them with positive, REAL words that more accurately reflect the truth. Magically, this new way of thinking sprinkled confidence dust over every aspect of my life. Natural changes followed suit, and I have been almost shocked by the repercussions. Confidence emerged slimy, naked, and immature, ready to take it's new-found place in my life.

Here is where the cycle begins:
1. The moment I began to act with confidence, others noted confidence.
2. The moment they saw confidence, they treated me how I'd always wanted.
3. The moment they did so, I felt more confident.
4. The moment I felt more confident, I began to act with confidence.
5. Repeat steps 1-5 indefinitely. (You can sing them to a tune if you like.)

In conclusion, confidences begets confidence. The only way for me to feel the way I wanted to feel and to have others treat me the way I always wanted them to treat me was to believe I was what I wanted to be. Once I believed that, it became reality. I got what I wanted, and nobody got hurt.

Lest this post be nothing more than an embellished story with a family friendly message carefully stapled on the bottom, I would like to offer a few tactics I use to build self-confidence.

1. Surround yourself with supportive people. This means positive thinkers who relate to you in a way meaningful to you.
2. Shut up and do it. Stop making excuses. Make new tapes in your head. Quit saying, "I'm just not like that," or "I can't," or "But I'm not as talented." Start thinking differently, and it will happen.
3. Commit yourself. It can be a long process. Buckle down and prepare for a long haul.
4. Note what you like about others and emulate it (more on this later).
5. Don't take offense to things others say to you about you. (Definitely more on this later.)
6. Let it count. Don't negate your goodness, or compliments from others.
   
7. Be creative. Find what works for you and stick to it.