Lesson 3: Believe the Better

A few years back I learned a principle that has dramatically changed my outlook on life. It came at a time when I was seeking a better understanding of myself and they way I interacted with those around me. During this particular phase of life, I was mostly happy but was plagued by consistent thoughts of inadequacy and self doubt. Mostly, I felt like those who were nice to me only were because they felt that is what I wanted from them. In reality, what I really wanted was for those people, of their own will, to want to be my friend. Ergo, I was never satisfied with my friendships.

Then, on a particularly bright, sunshiny day, knowledge descended from heaven like dew on a cool morning and distilled upon the annals of my mind opening my eyes to a new way of looking at things. (I almost made myself throw up a little just then. Sorry about that. I had to get that small bit of creativity out before it made me sick.) People were acting they exact way I wanted them to, but I was perceiving that it was because they felt obligated. The fact of the matter is, they were acting in the way I was wishing for, so I should have been satisfied. So I connected the dots, and found a whole new way of interpreting relationships:

If a person acts in a certain way, and I'm not sure if it is genuine or forced, and they lead me to believe it is genuine, then I should believe it is genuine! Even if they are lying and it is fake, what does it matter? They are acting in a way that will make me happy if I simply choose to accept it.

To make this concept clearer, allow me to illustrate with a concrete-ish example. Lets say Person A really wants Person B to enjoy spending time with him. Person A asks, "Do you enjoy our time together?" Person B responds, in full honesty, "Of course I do. I wouldn't come over if I didn't." Now Person A can either choose to believe the answer is genuine, or believe it is a lie. One of those choices will result in pleasant inner feelings, while the other leads to emotional distress. Now lets say that Person B responds with the same answer, but really despises spending time with Person A. That leaves Person A with the same two choices: believe the answer was genuine, or believe the answer was a lie. Either way yields the same two results of happiness or distress. Therefore, why not believe the answer was genuine in either case since that results in happiness. Person B is the one left with the problem of sorting out his own lack of honesty and the consequences derived therefrom.

This same principle can be applied repeatedly in relationships. How many times have you asked yourself, "Did he act that way because he hates me?" or "Has he not called because he doesn't want to talk to me?" In these examples, you can believe he hates you and doesn't want to talk to you, or you can believe he is focused at work and will call you when he can break away. One choice results in negative feelings, while the other results in positive. So I say, believe the better. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Assume he's a good person instead of a jerk. Nine times out of ten, you will be right. Ten times out of ten, you will be happier.

Welcome Back, Benjamin

Well, folks, I'm alive! And I tell you what, it's sort of a miracle.

I have officially survived the second professional year of Optometry school, and I couldn't be more ready...I mean happy. Second year is notorious for sucking every ounce of desire, drive, and enjoyment out of the art and science of Optometry.

It all begins with more classes than is humanly possible to tolerate coupled with dry professors who are convinced you have nothing to do but study their subject. Pile on top of this five or so labs and things are starting to get stressful. Allow me to explain these labs a little bit too: they consist of me practicing every invasive skill on my fellow classmates. Oh yeah, and they do it right back to me. Consequently, I had to endure never ending weeks of gonioscopy lenses suctioned to my eyes, bright lights shined to the farthest nether-corners of my soul, metal probes pushed behind my eyeball, little blue plastic tips being gently set on my "tear film," and let's not negate the sheer pleasure of having only one eye dilated multiple times a week. And not to mention the masochistic pleasure of giving/getting five different injections: Intravenous, Subcutaneous, Intramuscular, Intralesional (in the skin of the eyelid), and Subconjunctival (under the clear membrane covering the white of the eye). The final cherry on the top of the second year birthday cake is a consistant stream of test and practicals designed to break the strong and crack the weak.

In the end, however, I survived. I emerged triumphant and prepared to begin to see patients of my own starting next week! And I must say, I did it with finesse and style.